College Years - - when the dinasours still roamed the earth.

LESSONS LEARNED

1. I have learned that you can put life first and man will worship you. That does not guarantee that you will stay at the top of it. But if you put God first, he will put you at the top of the world.

2. I have learned that the way up is going down. The ONLY way to win spiritual battles is humility. The question I keep asking God is this; “If you wanted me to be humble, why did you give me so much pride?” Of course that sounds like a selfish question to ask but it reflects my struggle with trying to give up the ugly beast.

3. I’ve learned that people will sense and feel your love if you sincerely love them. I have seen a huge change with how relatives talk to me now. And all I did differently was “love them”. Saying “I love you” is now a cliché’ and its beginning to lose its value because people misuse it and overuse it when they don’t mean it. I have found that giving someone (who has distanced herself from us) some mangoes out of love speaks louder. You can give someone the moon and the stars but if you don’t do it for the right reasons, it would be like beating a drum on deaf ears.

4. I have learned that if you want someone to change, you need to change yourself first and allow God to change that person for you. It always starts with you. For so long I have been trying to change my husband. It IS draining and I will tell you right now it doesn’t work. I had to learn to stop playing GOD and let the big man do his thing. I had to change my way of thinking, change my attitude towards him, change what I do. It was really the little things that went a long way.

Making him a cup of koko Samoa because before I used to tell him; “WELL EXCUSE YOU, GO GET YOUR OWN CUP OF TEA YOU LAZY BUM! I ALSO JUST FINISHED WORK AND I AM ALSO TIRED!”

Making up the bed and cleaning up our room because before I was like; “WHY DON’T YOU LEARN TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF AND STOP DEPENDING ON ME!”

Listening to his stories from beginning to end because before I was always cutting him off by saying; “OMG – YOU REALLY THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, DON’T YOU!”.

Praying with him before we go to bed because before I was telling him; “YOU DO YOUR OWN PRAYER AND I DO MINE BECAUSE WE WANT DIFFERENT THING IN LIFE!”

The list goes on but until I learned to change myself, God started working his miracles.

5. I have learned that it is a waste of my time to worry over the things I have no control over. I really can’t please everyone and I can’t control the things that happen to me. What I can control is my ATTITUDE towards the things that happen to me. Trials are always going to come my way and instead of feeling sorry for myself and complain about how unfair it is that things are always happening to me, I can accept them, endure them, fight them with love and humility, learn from them and then move on to the next mountain.

6. I have learned that many people are uncomfortable with SILENCE. I can be surrounded by people and be so tuned out of the conversations. People would be chatting away, laughing and sharing. And I . . . I . . .  would be right in the middle of it and have a conversation with myself. (My youngest brother used to call me a loner because he thinks I have no friends…hahaha.)  I sense a few people feeling uncomfortable around me because I am not much for words. I could be in the middle of so many people talking and not have one thing to say to anybody. I like listening to people talk, but I struggle to find things to say. Can I just be there and not say anything? I guess not. Silence makes many people uncomfortable.   

7. I learned why they call the BIBLE the “LIVING WORD”.  I’ve read the story of Jacob in the bible so many times and last night, I learned two new things. Thinking aloud I said – why is it that every time I read this book something new jumps up? I guess that’s why they call it the living word. The stories evolve right before your eyes every time you open it to search for gems. It should be used as a guide. All of life’s answers are there, and they will be revealed to you at the right time if you ask God.

8. I have learned that there is more to this life than just working to pay off loans and put food on the table. My “job” and my “work” are two different things. My job is with Peace Corps and I get paid for it with money. My work is what God wants me to do in this life and he has already paid me in full - - in advance. He saved me. I was a workaholic – always working crazy hours because I am always looking for something better and more money. I was climbing the corporate ladder. I wanted to travel and see many more countries. In order to get to my goal I had to make sure I pleased the boss with what I do. But I have found out that I can try and please people and my efforts will be rewarded in terms of money. But we all know money comes in a full package. But if I do God’s work first, he will secure a good job for me. There is much more to this life than just searching for money. The answer to a secured and successful life is GOD.

9. It is true that there is a “calm before a storm”, but it is also true that “there is always sunshine after the rain”. I have learned that challenges don’t last and NOOOOOO . . . . . . . they REALLY don’t kill you. It just feels like you are going to die but in the end, struggles make you stronger and wiser.

10. I have learned that if you pray in faith – God really will answer your prayers, in a God kind of way. You see, I thought if I just asked for love and humility, God will snap his mighty fingers and it shall be done. I was so wrong. Instead, he provided me with many opportunities to practice being humble and practice unconditional love. Oh how I see people differently now –

that cousin who was put on earth to do nothing else but lie to me and my family! Nope, I don’t feel like wringing his neck anymore.

that one relative who is always talking trash about you! Nope I don’t wish God will burn her in hell.

that brother who always needs things for him and his children! Yes, I help him out now whenever I can in any way I can, not because he asked me or because my dad told me to. I do it now because he is my brother and I love him. What better use for the money I earn than to help out a brother who needs help.

God, Help Me!

You made great teachers out of tax collectors

and turned fishermen into great doctors

My God, take my heart in pieces

and make it whole again.

You fed the multitudes with two loaves of bread and 3 fish

and turned plain water into wine

My God, carry me out of this financial crisis whirlpool

that keeps sucking me down

You spoke the earth into existence

and created mankind out of dust

Bless and strengthen my spirit t

hat I can rebuke the devil and his evil ways

You raised Lazarus from the dead

and gave sight to the blind

My God, wash me clean of my sins and infirmities

so I can worship you wholly.

Look into my heart, oh my God

Give me strength to fight my battles

Give me courage to face my challenges

Give me patience to endure them

 Give me wisdom to make sound choices

Give me love to answer my enemies with love

Give me humility to accept and learn from my struggles

Broaden my faith, my God, that I may always see you in my pain.

Fighting the Enemy

My battles in life come one after the other

the enemy is much stronger now

he’s studied my strengths and weaknesses

he knows my vulnerabilities

he plans to attack me at my weakest points

but . . . I shall not be afraid

I shall boldly put on the “armor of God”.

and sing praises to God as I push forward fearlessly

for I know Jehovah is by my side

and with him I can do all things . . .

. . . I can freeze the sun in the sky,

. . . part the red sea

. . . make great walls tumble down

. . . and he will make me walk on water

With him as my God I can move mountains

. . . and silence a great storm

the furnace will not burn me

the lions will not devour me

So even though I am weak and fragile,

With God on my side I am INVINCIBLE

To God be the Praise

God, be with me forever.

Don’t allow me to walk alone

For I know not my path

I am nothing without you

I surrender myself to you

I submit myself to you with humility

You are my strength

You are my rock, my protector and guardian

I empty my heart of pride and conceit

I empty my head of selfishness and individualism

So that you can dwell in me

Though life presents challenges

that at times seem overwhelming

I rest assured that with you by my side

I will survive

Storms may pass

Earthquakes don’t last

And floods cease

But you, my God, are victory

You are mightier than the winds

You are greater than the earthquakes and the floods

You are……..MY GOD!

Re-run

family breadfruit tree, lonely in the night

darkness once again prevails over all mankind

outside, dad’s blue car shivers in the rain

and I stand there, outside of the silver fence, re-visiting pain

this is a re-run, time after time

such is the flip side of life

someone you love is always saying good-bye

male cousins cruising in the dark

absolute silence, dogs on strike, refusing to bark

taxis going to and fro with bright tail lights

radio stations static at midnight

it always ends – yours and mine

this is the ONLY flip side of life

somebody is always spilling tears and saying goodbye

a great man - dad

Master - Writer

My life is written by the hand of God.
characters well chosen to fit the story line
conflicts in place to mold the contemporary heroine
the suspense continues to build up
creating suspicion in the audience


My destiny is pre-arranged
and my ONLY purpose in life
is to fulfill what the master script writer
had already written for me
- the story protagonist.

Lumafale, Tamalii and self @ the Charge' de Affairs fale at Vailima

Eye Opener

Me and Tuese @ Millenia Hotel

It’s funny…really, this time last month
with ALL my strength and knowledge
I found myself gasping for air
and struggling to keep my head above water
stressed over the simple things

such as lunch money and taxi fares

phone bills, water bills and cash powers

putting food on the table was a burden

waking up in the morning was a struggle

planning ahead was a painful lie

even smiling was hard work

Somehow I was doing something wrong

But what?

I took care of my family

I put food on the table

I pay the bills

I feed my nephews

I am guardian to my nieces

I clean the house

I wash the dishes

I teach the kids right from wrong

What could I have possibly been doing wrong?

And then….

God opened my eyes

And I now see myself in a very different light

I regretfully sigh at my sweat shed in vain

For I now see where I’ve been

And past mistakes are now obvious as light in the dark

Everything I did was right

But my heart was in the wrong place

My actions were well

But my trust was put on the wrong being

I now learn with a heavy heart

Of my self created stress

I have learned that I was a big fool

to put trust in man and not God

I was a fool to allow

my pride rule my heart

and dictate my thoughts

I was a fool to think

I have self made success

I was a fool to think individually

I was a fool to put faith in money and plans

countless days spent worrying about how I look

and blinded by the lies of the world

Now I look at the person I have become

and thank the LORD for touching my heart

my priorities are now in the right place

I am still poor as before

still just head above water as before

still working to pay off debt as before

still unsure of what tomorrow will bring

just like before, and yet……..

my mountain of problems seem small

my burdens light

my worries and stress washed away

This change, I assure you

is not because I got married

or work for a US agency

or read the bible

or stopped going to night clubs

or quit smoking

or that my mother told me so

It is simply because I have FULLY accepted

HIM as my GOD

And I have given him room

to work his miracles in my life

The person I was……..

I once was like a duck on water

my true struggles were masked with pretence

But today, with much confidence, I portray in true essence

the person I am inside

I once was like a candle in the wind

with beliefs and values washable like writing on sand.

But today I walk on this path I am on in humility, peace and love

my beliefs and values established firm and immovable like Everest

I once was a woman of the world

worshiping the world, easily distracted by bright lights, ruled by money

But today none of these have power over me

as I walk in the light I now see

My life was a jumbled – up mess,

it was broken

But the master engineer, with a light touch

gave it an overhaul and renewed my engine

Now, I no longer linger on earth without a purpose

I no longer go with the flow

I no longer follow in strangers’ footsteps

I no longer allow others to plan my future

My two roads in the woods

Robert Frost was writing about me

when he wrote the “road less travelled by”

I AM that very traveler

I have arrived at the “diverged roads in the woods”.

I’ve been there since the 20^th of April.

I have been standing there in solitude.

unwilling to move at all

I can see both roads now.

I must say Robert Frost had made

false predictions in the end though.

to say the traveler took the road less travelled by

Because here I stand before the two roads

Feeling unimpressed with what they offer

They both offer me the same things

MEANINGLESS LIFE and DEATH!!!

BROKEN MAST

I am but a sailor without a compass,

drifting amidst the great unknown,

The great storm that played havoc with my ship

had passed, leaving its bitter trails behind.

The sturdy mast that once held my sail above the winds

had broken into deep waters.

Too long had I hid in the shadow of the my sail

that I now no longer remember how to use the oars.

Lead me home LORD.

Guide me to the path I was on

before the storm dislocated my ship,

before the storm destroyed my mast,

before it removed hope from my heart

and replaced it with fear.

before it removed my inner peace

and replaced it with mayhem.

Dedicated to my father!

PERSONA To My Father

A pillar of strength

TAIGAGA FA’AMŌ’AGA,

patient, wise, humble and just

the foundation of my life

who was afraid of doctors and needles

dreamt of seeing love and peace in the world

lives in my heart…..forever

PALEPOI

Remebering Dad! 

My heart sank deeply as I stared at you

lying helplessly on that tiny and uncomfortable hospital bed.

Once you were the foundation of our family

You gave us firm grounds to stand on

While mom was more the “sage on the stage”,

you were our “guide on the side”,

You mentored and guided us through life

You carried us through tough times

You helped us cry

You laughed with us at our mistakes

and you always kept us grounded.

To the extended family you were the magnet

that held everyone together.

You were the strong link of the family chain.

In times of quarrel you were the peacemaker.

In sorrow you were the comforter.

In sadness you were the comedian.

You were the ice that tamed the fire.

You were the love that defeated selfishness

You approached challenges with unbiased eyes.

You’ve taught me to put my trust in GOD

and never in man.

But now you are gone.

Go! Go forth and meet your maker!

And rest assured you have taught us well.

You have left your footprints clear enough for us to follow

You have paved the way for us.

Rest assured we know the value of hard work

Rest assured we know the importance of love.

Rest assured we feel the warmth and safety

of the closely knit family you built for us.

Rest assured we will be the scaffold for each other

Rest assured we will live your life.

I will look at your favorite niece

And learn from her struggles

I will follow the example she has set

to forgive and forget 

and kill all unkindness with love

I will look at your favorite nephew

And learn from him as well,

the importance of knowing

who I am, my identity

I will look at the life you led

And remember that the most important things in life

Are PEACE & LOVE!!

Mixed Emotions

Loneliness

creeps willingly into my heart,

arms spread-eagled,

as it takes over the rest of me

it rules in me

it reigns in my soul

like an evil spirit it possesses me

it controls me,

like a ventriloquist does

to a puppet on a string,

__________________________________________________________________________________

In the living room

In the living room I sit and stare

at the wall and all that is there

waiting for something to happen

but seconds become minutes

and minutes turn to hours

I find myself at the same spot

staring at the same wall

waiting for something to happen

while everything is happening

outside!!!

__________________________________________________________________________________

Life Goes On

When you feel your world is closing down on you,

When you think you might not make it through,

When your troubles seem too much to bear,

When you see your destiny, but just can’t get there,

When your way looks dark and you’re stumbling around,

Here's the one thing you can always count on

Life goes on

_________________________________________________________________________________

MY HEART

My heart knows no happiness.

It is worn out

All the heartache and the pain set upon it

One more trouble and it will break

It is fragile like china in careless hands,

Delicate and sensitive.

My heart is a basketful of broken dreams

I am but a ship that sails without a compass

I can’t see my way.

I am lost, so lost in a sea of hopes and dreams.

_________________________________________________________________________________

We always want what we can't have

WE ALWAYS WANT WHAT IS NOT.

AND WHAT I AM, I DON’T WANT

WHAT I AM NOT, I REALLY WANT.

WHAT I AM, OTHER PEOPLE WANT

WHAT THEY ARE, I WANT.

                                        This is my younger brother Sa (in Utah) and his daughter Heiress.

                                         Sa during his game playing number 6

                                       My neice, Coretta - Sa's oldest daughter.

                                             Another one of Heiress

                                            Dad at work

                                                   Opeta's daughter (Isabella) in England

My Heart

My heart used to long for him.

It cried when he was away,

skipped all over my chest at his touch

and literally melted in his hands.

But now, alas!

with this amnesia,

it no longer recognizes him.

Family whether forecast

It was always a heartbreaking experience

to watch mother curl and furl, and moan in agony

as her gout viciously stabs at her joints.

“My bones are magic”,

she would say smiling,

her soft, yet firm voice, camouflages her pain

as I massage her knees I beg God

to spare me from this unfortunate burden.

And now, in my sorrow

I am the new family whether forecast.

A REAL FA'ALAVELAVE

The extended family convened at our verandah

to discuss monetary matters and cultural reciprocity

for a funeral service.

There was some laughter, some “hellos” and “how are yous”?

But the non-verbal communication was louder -

too loud it was deafening.

“However much one can afford”, everyone agreed

yet the smiles and laughter were the ONLY things in compliment

of the family consensus

Their eyes looked depressed

and the wheels in many heads turned vigorously

to brainstorm potential targets for easy money

Such is the FAASAMOA.

In the haste of providing the most culturally appropriate service,

YOU REALLY FORGET TO MOURN

Now, ain’t that something!!!

The world.....

The world waltzes with the moon in orbit

to a melody only they can hear

The wind seems to be in tune and

forces the leaves outside to sway to and fro

in rhythmic motion, slow and lady-like

The night seems tired and sleepy tonight

as she slowly devours the last ray of light

left on our iron roofing

The geckos must have known it is curfew

because they all are assembled on the ceiling by the light

My eyes keep going back to the panoramic heavens

The sky never fails to paint beautiful stars

that play hide and seek among the clouds.

It must have had a little more painting time tonight

to paint the smiling moon in full loop

My eyes are fixed on the masterpiece above

The sight is remedy to my aching heart,

a soothing song to my troubled soul

that provides peace and calmness

in me

Oh, if I were one of those stars,

playfully and happily skipping across the heavens.

Or the moon even, so complete, perfect

full of purpose that gives life

meaning

But what can I say

I am only human, a woman; a lost cause

who roams the earth aimlessly,

with a fragile heart, a sensitive soul

and fed up hands.

Something for a laugh

"Sons of a Bitch"

She was something; I knew her back then,

She raised 5 sons, one rooster and a few hens.

Considered by many as the village witch,

who always called her boys “sons of a bitch”.

She was a toughie; this woman in rags

The heartless and mean old hag.

Would smell trouble with one little sniff

And would always call her boys “sons of a bitch”

Oh she worked them till they dropped

So freakishly pale were they; little sign of blood

Twice she almost strangled Nick

and called him a “son of a bitch”

In the mornings the boys would march

with tired and worn out bodies to the taro patch

where they slave all day, no time to think

about the woman who calls then “sons of a bitch”

I was the outsider looking in

With little to do and a lot of time to think

Puzzled why the old hag never got the irony

Of calling her boys “sons of a bitch”.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Hey people, "TGIF" is all I can say.

MY LIFE

My life is a jigsaw puzzle.

All the pieces are in my hands

Yet I am clueless,

of how to piece them together.

My life is a glass of wine,

red and bitter, yet full of fun,

but sooner or later

it will end.

My life is a soap opera,

a lot  of twists and turns

climaxes and conflicts

that all lead to “LESSONS LEARNED”

My life is marijuana

countless wrong decisions

and wrong turns

that gave me a kind of…… “high”.

My life is an empty space.

It is spacious -

Could be filled with wonders

But EMPTY!!!

News for the fam-bam - Yesterday was Aunty Ioana's funeral service. Manaia le aso o si loomatua. It was well organized.

I AM.......

I am THE LORD OF THE FLIES,

waiting TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD,

and making THINGS FALL APART.

As POULIULI approaches,

I join the FLYING FOX IN THE FREEDOM TREE.

All the while, the sea and the sky

are MAKING WAVES.

Somewhere in the world,

Juliet is writing a SCARLETT LETTER

To Romeo at TWILIGHT,

as HAMLET plots with OTHELLO

to murder MACBETH

at the ANIMAL FARM

before the RISE OF THE LYCANS.

Fun @ work........NOT!!

Here's some words I put together when I am bored at work. ENJOY!!!!

All is quiet now

I can hear my thoughts

Making conversations

In my head

They ask a lot of “What Ifs”

And “Why Nots”.

Every now and then

The air con noise interrupts

The evening looks promising,

The clouds take their usual evening stroll across the endless sky.

The leaves dance in the wind

And even the stray dogs seem to have a purpose in life.

I sit in the office,

Staring deeply at my computer screen,

Wishing to roam the sky like the clouds,

And dance like the leaves in the wind.

My mind roams the earth like a vagabond.

It drifts from place to place,

Begging for adventure,

Longing for new things,

Hoping for new challenges,

Praying for novelty.

More Palepoi Matters

To all our relatives and friends, Aunty Ioana passed away yesterday, 19th January 2011 at 1pm.


10 Commandments for the workplace you might want to know.
1. Choose what is right instead of what is politically correct.
2. Rely more on instinct, not manuals or project outlines.
3. Be teachable. You really DON'T KNOW everything.
4. A house devided will fall. Stand together.
5. Be there when it is needed. Not when it is convenient.
6. Team means together, everyone achieves more.
7. The worst decision is the one that is never made.
8. A group of people committed to a shared vision can accomplish the impossible.
9. Use "WE" instead of "ME".
10. If you serve others, others will serve you. It is as simple as that.

Palepoi Matters

Palepoi News Update

1. Victor (Uncle Opeta’s son) and Steffany visited us for a week. It was nice to meet one of the Uncle Opeta’s kids. In the week we’ve spent with Victor, I have found him very quiet, polite and humble. Steffany was also nice and they were always good company. Last Friday we threw a party to farewell Victor and Steff. It was good fun. Aligi, Lanu & family, Maima, Ray & family all joined our barbecue. The boys were drunk of course. There was so much food and the night ended on a high note. Malo lava family le fa’amaopopo.

2. This year also saw the passing away of Linda’s (Moana’s wife) father and Peta’s (Uncle Sefulu’s daughter) mother in law. The family was, of course, busy taking our side’s faaloaloga to the in-law’s family. Tifaga Peseta (a relative from Savaii) was the leading orator

3. Aunty Ma and Uncle Faumui returned last week as well after being in New Zealand for over a year. It was so good to see them again. Aunty Ma is still herself and Uncle Faumui has lost weight.

4. Luci’s father is expected to arrive this week. The family is excited to meet Teni’s in-law and we hope to have a good time whilst he’s here.

5. Taigaga Tyron Palepoi (Moana’s son) is starting Year 7 this year at CCWS. Lynnette (Year 3) and Mervin (year 5) will be attending Ah Mu Academy. Nessa stays home with grandma.

6. Faasegi (Year 5) will still be attending Vaimoso Primary.

7. Dad will be retired from work next year and then we’ll have to find something interesting for him to do to occupy his time at home.

8. Sa now plays for the Utah Warriors, a rugby team, and has been named co-captain. Congratulations bro.

9. For those who’s birthday is this month…HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!.

10. Manuia fuafuaga o le vaiaso.  

New Horizons

Let me begin by welcoming you to my blog.

I am Mafiosamoa Palepoi. I was born in Foailuga in the island of Savaii, but was mainly raised up in Upolu. I am 31, soon to be 32 years old and as I begin my journey this year, I look back to the previous year, not to "cry over spilled milk" but so that I could learn from past mistakes and cherish my successes.

"We are tossed and turned like stones in a river" is a phrase that really represent my life so far. My brother used to play this religious song that says; "like stones in a river we a re tossed and turned, smoothed till the edges are gone". I have been through some of the ups and downs of life. I have taken some bumps which have all molded me to the person I am today. So keep checking in. This time tomorrow I will post my first entry.

Until then, "TOFA SOIFUA"