Mixed Emotions

Loneliness

creeps willingly into my heart,

arms spread-eagled,

as it takes over the rest of me

it rules in me

it reigns in my soul

like an evil spirit it possesses me

it controls me,

like a ventriloquist does

to a puppet on a string,

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In the living room

In the living room I sit and stare

at the wall and all that is there

waiting for something to happen

but seconds become minutes

and minutes turn to hours

I find myself at the same spot

staring at the same wall

waiting for something to happen

while everything is happening

outside!!!

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Life Goes On

When you feel your world is closing down on you,

When you think you might not make it through,

When your troubles seem too much to bear,

When you see your destiny, but just can’t get there,

When your way looks dark and you’re stumbling around,

Here's the one thing you can always count on

Life goes on

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MY HEART

My heart knows no happiness.

It is worn out

All the heartache and the pain set upon it

One more trouble and it will break

It is fragile like china in careless hands,

Delicate and sensitive.

My heart is a basketful of broken dreams

I am but a ship that sails without a compass

I can’t see my way.

I am lost, so lost in a sea of hopes and dreams.

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We always want what we can't have

WE ALWAYS WANT WHAT IS NOT.

AND WHAT I AM, I DON’T WANT

WHAT I AM NOT, I REALLY WANT.

WHAT I AM, OTHER PEOPLE WANT

WHAT THEY ARE, I WANT.

                                        This is my younger brother Sa (in Utah) and his daughter Heiress.

                                         Sa during his game playing number 6

                                       My neice, Coretta - Sa's oldest daughter.

                                             Another one of Heiress

                                            Dad at work

                                                   Opeta's daughter (Isabella) in England

My Heart

My heart used to long for him.

It cried when he was away,

skipped all over my chest at his touch

and literally melted in his hands.

But now, alas!

with this amnesia,

it no longer recognizes him.

Family whether forecast

It was always a heartbreaking experience

to watch mother curl and furl, and moan in agony

as her gout viciously stabs at her joints.

“My bones are magic”,

she would say smiling,

her soft, yet firm voice, camouflages her pain

as I massage her knees I beg God

to spare me from this unfortunate burden.

And now, in my sorrow

I am the new family whether forecast.

A REAL FA'ALAVELAVE

The extended family convened at our verandah

to discuss monetary matters and cultural reciprocity

for a funeral service.

There was some laughter, some “hellos” and “how are yous”?

But the non-verbal communication was louder -

too loud it was deafening.

“However much one can afford”, everyone agreed

yet the smiles and laughter were the ONLY things in compliment

of the family consensus

Their eyes looked depressed

and the wheels in many heads turned vigorously

to brainstorm potential targets for easy money

Such is the FAASAMOA.

In the haste of providing the most culturally appropriate service,

YOU REALLY FORGET TO MOURN

Now, ain’t that something!!!

The world.....

The world waltzes with the moon in orbit

to a melody only they can hear

The wind seems to be in tune and

forces the leaves outside to sway to and fro

in rhythmic motion, slow and lady-like

The night seems tired and sleepy tonight

as she slowly devours the last ray of light

left on our iron roofing

The geckos must have known it is curfew

because they all are assembled on the ceiling by the light

My eyes keep going back to the panoramic heavens

The sky never fails to paint beautiful stars

that play hide and seek among the clouds.

It must have had a little more painting time tonight

to paint the smiling moon in full loop

My eyes are fixed on the masterpiece above

The sight is remedy to my aching heart,

a soothing song to my troubled soul

that provides peace and calmness

in me

Oh, if I were one of those stars,

playfully and happily skipping across the heavens.

Or the moon even, so complete, perfect

full of purpose that gives life

meaning

But what can I say

I am only human, a woman; a lost cause

who roams the earth aimlessly,

with a fragile heart, a sensitive soul

and fed up hands.